Satori, an incredible safari
With Satyammo
I just came back from an intensive journey, Satori, an incredible safari, in “Innerland”.
I am still in wonder, amazed, inflamed and with this urge to tell what an extraordinary process Satori is for anybody interested in travelling through “Innerland”, eager to be home with oneself, in love with being and beings, in love with life, with being alive.
Yes! I was told it was a quest about myself. I was told it was some interesting self-inquiry process during which I would be totally free to express myself at all times. Yes!
What a tremendously unique and deep experience I lived from sunrise to late at night about “being”, simply, plainly, truly being. Yes! Yes! Yes!
To think I wanted to fly away (from???) pain! Yes, on the very next afternoon after my arrival, I wanted to run away, totally captured by a huge rebellious “Fuck-off-nobody-is-going-to-tell-me-what-when-how-and-how-long-to-do-things-I-cannot-make-it-I-simply-cannot-take-it!!!”
Well, thank god, some guardian angel, one of the six friendly and caring assistants, came to my rescue and helped me remember that I was on the path to being truthful to who I was. And who was I really?
At that point, totally confused. Yes.
Now that I am writing this article, totally in blissful clarity. Yes. Had I given up then, I would not have seen any light, even less found any way to get to my centre, my true self and watch.
It would have been like getting caught up in some awful marsh full with greedy mossies, way before getting on to the right trail to the centre.
Satori gave me the key to open the door to my centre, where some enlightened being is, untouched, pure, loving and loved, forever connected with the Divine, watching. Yes.
Through this full-on kind of “ego-safari”, I can say today that I have encountered the watcher in me, the witness.
The one. The one who will always be there for me, in spite of all the tricks both Mind and Ego together will always be trying to play on me.
Between agony and ecstasy, darkness and light, hate and love, silence and chaos, I dived into “Innerland” relentlessly for 18 hours a day for seven days and seven nights. A real marathon in itself.
It sounds like I have just accomplished some astonishing action, like I am really proud of myself, like I am so satisfied and happy with myself, doesn’t it
Well, I am. And yes, I have just accomplished some astonishing action: I have learned how to master my mind and to watch my ego act inside of me, like the greatest actor ever.
Producing and performing extraordinary comedies, tragedies, dramas, comic stand-ups, murders and mysteries… you name it. And that was so liberating!
Imagine being able to express whatever is in you right here and now, without any censorship, any repression, any punishment nor judgement down the road.
Just freedom! Pure freedom! Freedom to be and to be totally mad also. And I do not mean “out of her mind”… No. Not at all.
On the contrary. To stay right here and now in this mind of mine and see thoroughly where it can lead me when unleashed. Imagine!… But you won’t be able to unless you experience it yourself.
This Satori, so delicately led by Avikal, allowed me to express myself with total freedom, providing that I would not touch anybody physically nor verbally (“You” is not permitted).
Delicately, respectfully and lovingly, Avikal would see me in private interviews and help me tackle “my problems” that had arisen during the process.
He would give me the key to my centre: the koan. A burning question for a thirsty quest: “Tell me who is in?” was my first one.
Then, I give it to partners who ask me to tell them who is in. We exchange this way for 40 minutes with the same partner, alternating each one for 5 minutes.
We start sitting … and if I managed to surrender and let go, I would find myself, standing up, pants down … surrounded by roars of laughter, as the bell rung to tell us to take some time off! Tell me, where could I be so free communicating?
The game was to be true, direct, total. Not always easy to play. Yet, so juicy! Especially because of all the mirrors around me. Yes. All these partners to work with.
Whether I was the voice or the ear, the speaker or the listener, I could see all my projections so clearly, and if not acting them out, then, recognising them on somebody else’s lips and eyes.
Some claim they can do the same work by themselves in front of a whitewall. Certainly. In front of a blue sky as well. The ocean. A giant fig tree. But then, what?
Alone in one’s own world, prey of one’s ego, prey of one’s mind, remaining undisturbed? That is not the “same work” at all.
There, nobody triggers you, provokes you, confronts you, makes you react and see who you are, really “out there” as a human being.
That is what Satori does.
Not only can you be in front of one mirror, but thirty as well, all at once even!!! Now, this is the game. The real “bullfighting” can start then, I tell you!
Very soon, the very first 40 minutes as a matter of fact, I could feel some wild animals lurking, roaming and rampaging inside, in my inner zoo, so to speak, ready to take me on rather scary, spooky “free-rides”, caught in a self-made cage:my mind.
Every time the question arose: who is running this zoo? My unconsciousness? My ego? My mind? Then, it became clear to me that my witness in me, simply by watching, could perfectly be the real boss there.
Yes, this Satori retreat proved to be the greatest “Ego-Safari” for me, ever. And, yes, I had “a taste of enlightenment”, which is the meaning of this word “Satori”.
And, yes, anybody can have it too, thanks to so good-hearted Avikal, within the solid structure he sets up, and thanks to highly efficient techniques such as energetic meditations, numerous sitting sessions as well as personal interviews, abundant silent encounters with the ultimate master in this process: the koan, a very ancient zen tool of self-inquiry.
Tell me who is in, who you are, what is another, love, sexuality, freedom, trust, moo, boo…miawo…! Here and now! Try it! It does wonders.
Have a wonderful Innerland journey! Friendly yours, Satyammo.
For more information, visit the Satori website
First published in Here & Now magazine, Feb 02 issue
See also, Satori, Zen meditation retreat and Satori, an interview with Avikal on this website
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