Damien is on a cruise ship is having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into a reef and sinks, but the guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark infested sea to a remote island.
Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She’s also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship.
Damien makes his way over to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks at him, wide eyed and grateful and says, “You saved my life, I’m so grateful, you’re my hero.” He suddenly realises the woman is Cameron Diaz.
Days and weeks go by. Cameron and Damien are living on the island together. They’ve set up a hut, there’s plenty of fruit on the trees, and they’re In heaven. Cameron’s fallen madly in love with him, and they’re making passionate love morning, noon and night.
Alas, one day she notices he’s looking kind of glum. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” she asks.
“We have a wonderful life together, I’m in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?”
He says, “Actually, Cameron, there is. Would you mind putting on my shirt?”
“Sure,” she says, “if it will help.”
He takes off his shirt and she puts it on.
“Now would you put on my pants?” he asks.
“Sure, honey, if it’s really going to make you feel better,”she says.
“Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little moustache on your face?” he asks.
“Whatever you want, sweetie,” she says, and does as he asks. Then he says, “Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?”
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later.
He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says: “Mate! You’ll never believe who I’m shagging!!”